Fashion Week has hit New York City again and big, fancy designers are showing their latest collections for spring/summer 2014. So, we went to a few shows to figure out what all the Tumblr goofballs, twinks and trust-funders will be wearing when it's nice outside again. Enjoy!
NAUTICA
I missed this show. But I’m glad I did, because there was way more interesting things happening outside of it. When I arrived at Lincoln Center, I spotted hordes of cops with huge machine guns. I ran over to take a few photos and realised why they were there. There was a demonstration going on against Nautica protesting their horrid sweatshop factories. Nautica’s parent company is responsible for a series of factory fires and the awful factory collapse that happened back in April and killed 1,129 people in Bangladesh. Hearing the protestors talk about what happened brought tears to my eyes. The Nautica brand is worse than the yuppies that wear their shit. For some reason they aren’t willing to sign an agreement to improve their workers conditions even after all of those horrible incidents. Until something is done about this all I can say is fuck off Nautica, you disgust me.
—By Miyako Bellizzi
N. HOOLYWOOD
Isn't it kind of fucked up that the Japanese can do American style better than Americans? While most swaggot American designers are making stupid shit like assless leather chaps and asymmetrical codpieces, Daisuke Obana dug deep into this country's history of the wild west and came up with a collection that is gonna have me looking Django next summer. If white folks think a brother in a hoodie with some Skittles and an iced tea is threatening, wait until I come down the block with big red bandanna around my neck and a tough ass leather cowboy hat. Shit will get real.
—By Wilbert L. Cooper
TESS GIBERSON
Everyone looked so happy at this show, I think I was the only one there who didn’t pop a molly. Tess Giberson channeled a white mesh on leather mesh aesthetic that was amazing. And I fell in love with her mint jumpsuit look – it sealed the deal for me. This was a great show. I even made a new friend who was the cutest Japanese girl I saw all day. It was good vibes all around.
—By Miyako Bellizzi
DUCKIE BROWN
My experience at this show started out as a complete a mess. Waiting in line, I felt like a black sheep in a herd of ugly cows. Not to mention, people were having the dumbest conversations. I was tempted to punch the screeching fashionista behind me in the face just to get them to shut the fuck up. Then I saw Jay from American’s Next Top Model walk by and I had to hold back the vomit retching itself from the bowels of my stomach. The vibe was so shitty, I almost had an anxiety attack.
But once I was inside I was able to take a breather. I found the chillest spot on top of a giant speaker. The show started and my frown turned upside down when the first look hit the runway. It was a beautiful white, tailored, work wear-inspired blazer. Pieces of the ceiling kept falling on my head but I didn’t give a shit. I was too preoccupied trying to figure out the burlap sack-type sqorts the model boys were wearing. It was weird and super feminine, but it actually turned me on.
—By Miyako Bellizzi
CUSHNIE ET OCHS
I was really excited to see this show because I usually love this designer. Unfortunately, it was hella wack. There was one leather pencil skirt that was nice, but that was it. The cut out body con dresses that came out over and over looked like something straight out of the Slauson Swap Meet in East LA. I used to steal clothes at Clothestime in the 90s that looked better than this shit. Ugh, and those buckles... Every look made me ask myself, Why? Cusnie Et Ochs, I don’t mean to hate, but damn girls, get your shit together!
—By Miyako Bellizzi
GENERAL IDEA
I love General Idea and have for a long time – however, this was not his best show. That's not to say it was bad, it was just awkward – like having sex with someone who is way taller than you. At the end of the day, you're still getting some, but all the extra elbows and strategic maneuvering you have to do take you out of the moment. So basically, I liked the clothes, but the overall presentation just wasn't as dope as his last two seasons. The music sounded like a dude was scrolling through tracks on his iPod and the show started like a half-hour late. But at the end of the day, just like I'd take oversized sex over no sex, I'll take an off-game General Idea over almost anything out there for men – especially when he's doing stark black and white colour blocking. That shit looks ill.
—By Wilbert L. Cooper
KYE
This show was bourgeois, but only by my standards. The venue had a pitch-perfect amount of class for a miscreant like me and the same can be said about their newest collection, which had some edgy-but-practical shit you can get away with wearing on the street. There were some awkward nuances, like the brand's gang-sign-logo being plastered onto snapbacks, but we’ll chalk that up to a cultural ignorance thing. Plus, we spiked our Moët with Xanax as soon as we got there, so who really knows what happened during this show.
—By Bobby Viteri
SHADES OF GREY
Micah Owen’s displayed his new collection at this French restaurant, and if this was a Yelp review, I’d tell you all about how it gave me colon cancer. Half the outfits consisted of sweatpants, bucket hats and the classic sandal-and-socks combo. Hey Micah, I’m already depressed and wearing this same getup to work. Can you put me onto some new fashion shit that I don’t know about, cause you know, you do this stuff for a living? I did, however, see a model eating a brownie, which was a very good look. I hope he toughed it out and followed through with proper digestion.
—By Bobby Viteri
THIRD FLOOR
Rocking beach motifs in an urban setting is pretty played out. It’s never a good look to be a poser, you know? I did manage to overlook this eternal truth and enjoy Third Floor's presentation, if only because I want a reason to wear neoprene when I’m at the bar and I think more men should oil-slick their loins. One model had a fresh basketball tattoo and although there was a plethora of bucket hats (like everyone else) at least they had the balls to make them bottomless, along with the booze.
—By Bobby Viteri
ØDD
If the name wasn’t convincing enough, let me tell you why this was the most pretentious show: it took place in what seemed like a castle, someone took a selfie with an iPad, they were playing rapey “music” that sounded like some dude was sucking on a hookah with a vibrator for a handle and a bunch of other crap that equated to smoke and mirrors. When the dust settled it felt as vacuous as the venue, a void that even the clothing couldn’t fill. Between the androgynous neogothic-avant-garde thing and all the snobby little cunts that attended, the mood was high brow, yet there wasn’t anything to justify all the bullshit.
—By Bobby Viteri
VFILES (SAM MCLONDON, STEVEN TAI, GYPSY SPORT, AMMERMAN SCHLOSBERG)
With e-commerce intermediaries, the idea is to stock your store in same manner that you would curate an art show. And if that’s the case, VFiles' latest offering would be titled “Self-Awareness, and the Pains of Living in the Matrix.” Let’s face it, no one really wants to wear assless tweed boxer shorts or pull a ghetto Ghandi and wear a curtain cloth sash with a du-rag to top it off, but all this exists because we’re being so ass-fucked in the “real” world, that this internet shit is all we got. And it’s in this cognitive dissonance that Vfiles’ aesthetic works. They just don’t give a shit, and hey man, I totally get it. I don’t give a shit either.
—By Bobby Viteri
All photos by Conor Lamb. Want to see more pics from these shows? Check out his photoblog.